Most children who are being bullied do not tell an adult. Not because they are afraid, but because they often cannot name what is happening to them. They know something feels wrong, but they do not have the words for it yet. This is why parents play such an important role — you may notice changes before your child says anything at all.
Behaviour changes to watch for
Children do not always come home and say "someone hurt my feelings today." More often, you see it in other ways.
- Coming home quieter than usual, or more upset, without a clear reason
- Not wanting to go to school — asking to stay home, or complaining of headaches or stomachaches on school mornings
- Losing interest in activities or friendships they used to enjoy
- Changes in sleep — trouble falling asleep, nightmares, or waking up anxious
- Becoming withdrawn, or suddenly not wanting to use their phone or tablet
- Coming home with missing belongings, or asking for extra money without explaining why
None of these signs on their own means a child is being bullied. Children go through difficult patches for many reasons. But if you notice several of these together, or a pattern that lasts more than a week or two, a gentle conversation is worth having.
How to start the conversation
The most important thing is to stay calm. Children can sense when adults are worried, and that can make them less likely to open up. Try to talk at a neutral moment — during a meal, on a walk, or in the car — rather than sitting face-to-face, which can feel more intense for younger children.
Start with something open and low-pressure. "How are things going with your friends at school?" or "Is there anyone at school who bothers you sometimes?" gives your child space to answer honestly, without feeling like they need to have a big problem. If they say everything is fine, leave it there for now. They know the door is open.
If your child does share something, listen more than you talk. Thank them for telling you. Avoid jumping straight to advice or telling them how they should have handled it. The most useful thing you can do first is make sure they feel heard.
What to do next
If what your child describes sounds like bullying, write down the details — what happened, when, and who was involved. This record helps if you need to speak with the school later. Reach out to the class teacher first. Schools deal with these situations regularly and can often resolve things without making it harder for your child.
Most importantly, remind your child that coming to you was the right thing to do. That reassurance makes it much easier for them to speak up again in the future.
If you have concerns about your child's wellbeing at school, our team is here to help. Visit our contact page to get in touch.